Descent and ascent

It's time, and I know it. It's time to go see the doctor, get some help, get on the right track again. It's so hard to pull up your bootstraps and and work towards the ascent though, when you are slowly and steadily descending in a cold and comfortable way. Descent is easy, though of course it's also very, very hard. Hard on the spirit, the emotions, on our relationships with others, on our relationship with ourself. Yet easy, because it takes no effort to stay down in the ditch with our darkest thoughts, our laziness, our disgust with ourself. Anyways, I know it's time, and those around me do as well. Those that really know me. Though I don't really feel the hope or the spirit of ascent yet, I challenge myself to work towards it, because I suppose that's all that will really help, and will really catalyze any change. I need to use sheer force of will to ascend. And I will. Tomorrow it begins, when we go see the doctor. I hope to be honest, not just with my husband and my doctor, but with myself. I hope that I will see some light at the end of the tunnel soon. I'm looking forward to trying, anyways.